Rain,
a Cave, and the Truth 7
There
is no such thing as a wasted effort.
The
things I have done up until now. Many of them were useless to Carter-sama.
But,
if there is a meaning to them. It must be the very fact that I am in this
country.
Because
of those days, I am here now.
I
can present my research as my own and have it acknowledged. Without being
compared to anyone, they respect me for being me. Everyone in the laboratory is
kind and gentle, and I feel I have found my place for the first time. A place
where I can look forward to the morning, take a deep breath, and feel relieved
and calm. A place as warm as a sunny spot in spring, and as sparkling as the
summer sunlight.
Not
wanting him to see the tears welling up, I sharply looked up and averted my
gaze from Ashren-sama. And yet.
With
a quiet rustle of clothing, Ashren-sama's arms wrapped around my
shoulders. Just like that, with a sudden pull of strength, I was drawn in and
trapped within his arms.
Ashren-sama embraced me from behind as if
to envelop me. My small body was completely buried between his legs.
「Ashren-sama...?」
「The cave floor gets cold, so let's
sleep sitting up tonight. You can just lean against me and sleep, Layla.」
「B-But. You won't be able to rest
like this, Ashren-sama.」
Being
embraced from behind is a first in my life. With my mind completely blank from
embarrassment, I desperately pretended to be calm. Ashren-sama pulled
his backpack closer and took out two blankets from inside. He seemed to be
using the backpack as a cushion, wedging it between his back and the rock.
Fortunately,
I had entrusted my blanket to Ashren-sama, so I received it and draped
it over my lap. Ashren-sama's blanket had a design that pulled over the
head like a poncho, and he slipped it on right over us while still holding me.
Our
closeness increased, and combined with the blanket, his warmth transmitted to
me. This might be a little past my limit.
「Ashren-sama, you are a bit too close, as
expected.」
「Haha, I got to see a rare blushing
face from you, Layla.」
「Are you teasing me?」
「No.」
A
soft sensation and a slight weight landed gently on the back of my head. I
couldn't see it, but I felt like Ashren-sama was resting his cheek
there.
「Because I am two-faced, I am simply
taking advantage of you blaming yourself for this situation to embrace you. So
just give up and go to sleep, Layla.」
「That's not...」
「The one who ultimately decided to
come here was the Director, and it's only natural for Mark and
me, who are used to mountain paths, to guide you. The accident happened on top
of all that. You are not at fault, Layla.」
「But if I hadn't slipped, this
wouldn't have happened.」
「I can tell you are blaming yourself,
Layla, just by looking at that gloomy face.」
Even
more strength was put into the arms wrapped around me.
「But right now, you are being taken
advantage of by me; if anything, you are a victim. So stop making that face.
Even if you hate it, give up and accept that it will stay like this until
morning.」
A
muffled voice spoke right by my ear. I just have a hard time showing my
expressions on the surface; I experience agitation and bewilderment just like
any normal person. That is why even now, my heart is ringing like a rapid alarm
bell.
I
am so confused that I can't even come up with words for how to reply.
Therefore, even I don't know why I chose those exact words out of the many
things I wanted to say.
「I don't hate it.」
My
softly murmured voice echoed excessively. After Ashren-sama's arms
twitched faintly, I heard a gentle voice say, "That is good, then."
Watching
the crackling and popping bonfire, I had closed my eyes before I knew it. Even
in a situation like this, the warmth and relief made me feel quite comfortable.
But
as expected, it seems I couldn't sleep soundly, and I woke up several times
during the night.
Each
time, I picked up the branches placed nearby, plucked off the leaves, and
tossed them into the bonfire. Ashren-sama had taught me to remove the
leaves before burning them, because leaves only produce smoke and burn up
quickly, and if you're unlucky, they might flutter in the air while still on
fire.
I
think the reason the branches were fewer than in my memory every time I woke up
is that Ashren-sama had been similarly tossing them into the fire.
Perhaps he is awake even now as I hold this branch in my hand.
I
thought about calling out to him, but stopped. If he is asleep, I would wake
him, and even if he is awake, I don't know what to continue the conversation
with.
What
meaning is there in these arms embracing me? I tell myself there is no deep
meaning, but deep in my chest, my heart is fluttering and restless.
Even
though I am restless, it is comfortable. I think of this warmth as precious. I
have never before met someone whose side I could feel this secure at.
Perhaps, I am in love.
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