Volume 1
Chapter 1 Part
2
Translator : PolterGlast
It's been a few weeks
since the new school year started, and I'm spending my days in a new classroom.
As everyone in the class is still getting to know each other, I find myself
alone, staring out the window at the cherry blossoms, thinking back to last
summer.
In the end, I didn't
drop out of high school.
I crossed out my name
on the withdrawal letter with a magic marker and turned it into a paper
airplane, launching it from a pedestrian overpass. That was about ten months
ago, right after the incident in the chemistry lab and parting ways with
Hikaru. I still remember being yelled at by a man in a tank top on the
sidewalk, "Don't litter on the street!" So I ran down the stairs and
ran away, scared to death.
The reason I chose
this decision wasn't Natsuno Hikaru. While he was certainly the trigger, upon
further reflection, I realized it would be a waste to leave a prestigious high
school I had worked so hard to get into just because of some petty harassment
from classmates. Of course, I didn't think I could go back to that class, so I
decided to take a year off and start as a sophomore again in April.
The opportunity to
meet Natsuno Hikaru again came much sooner than I expected.
"Rin-chan, it's
your turn for library duty today."
The girl sitting in
front of me, wearing glasses, turned around and said. A sweet scent wafted from
her glossy black hair. She'd apparently gotten her hair straight-permed last
week.
"I forgot."
"I knew it!
Rin-chan is so irresponsible with her work."
"Well, committee
activities aren't that important anyway."
"Fufu, let's go
together after lunch."
Misaki was the only
person in this class who I could consider a friend.
When I decided to
repeat my second year of high school, I didn't expect to make friends in this
class, nor did I want to. Last year, I became a recluse because I was
ostracized by my friends, but I figured it was better to be isolated from the
very beginning than to become isolated halfway through. Since I'm a year older
than my other classmates, I didn't think anyone would make fun of me for being
a loner, and besides, I preferred to be alone to begin with.
I like being with
Misaki because there is no hassle. She never asks me to go to the restroom with
her or asks me to join in on petty gossip.
"I heard they
made a new classroom next to the library for students who are absent a lot. It
would have been nice if they had one for you Rin-chan."
Sometimes she says
insensitive things, but I try not to mind too much because I guess it's the
same for both of us.
After lunch, Misaki
and I went to the library together.
In the courtyard,
which I could see from the corridor window, the cherry blossoms had already
sprouted young leaves. The season is already approaching summer.
As I looked at Misaki
walking beside me, she yawned sleepily. I remember her saying she would get
contact lenses if she did well on her exams.
I looked at my
reflection in the window. If Serina and the others saw me now, would they laugh
and say, "You're hanging out with someone like her"?
My first encounter
with Misaki was, by far, the worst of all the first encounters I've ever had. I
later apologized to her, but she still hasn't forgiven me for it.
"Hey, what's your
name?"
On the day of the
opening ceremony, when I was playing with my phone in my seat, not fitting in
with the bustling classroom, Misaki was the one who called out to me.
"Yorukaze
Rin," I replied curtly.
"I'm Yano Misaki.
What class were you in last year, Rin-chan?"
"Class 2-3. I
repeated a year."
I thought an awkward
atmosphere would follow. I had already done my research on the internet about
how people who repeated a grade were treated by their classmates. However, she
didn't suddenly switch to formal speech or anything, and just laughed with a
nonchalant tone, saying, "Oh, I see." I thought she was a carefree
girl.
"Are you in any
clubs?"
"No."
"What do you
like?"
"Nothing in
particular."
I replied curtly,
tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
It wasn't a lie. I
read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies, but for someone like me who
could only see things in a twisted way, those weren't "things I
like," but rather "things to find things I liked." If I had to
say, it would be more like, "I like the atmosphere of this movie," or
"I like this line from this novel."
There's no point in
telling her this. It would only confuse her. I don't think the conversation
would go anywhere from there. In the past, I used to make up random things I
liked, but I had decided to stop pretending to be someone I wasn't.
I think to myself,
what a boring person I am.
Most people would
probably label me as "boring" and leave me alone at this point. It
was the first time I'd responded like this to someone I had just met, but it
wasn't hard to imagine the outcome.
I glanced at the girl
in front of me. Contrary to my expectations, Misaki was smiling cheerfully.
"Rin-chan, you
didn't have any friends, right?"
"Huh?"
I think that for high
schoolers, not having friends is at the top of the list of things they don't
want others to mention. I had come to accept that I was somewhat isolated, but
even so, I was surprised to hear someone say it so bluntly.
"What's that supposed
to mean?" I involuntarily let out a low voice.
"Because you
don't seem to be interested in other people, you can't make friends that
way."
Misaki said so while
grinning.
At that moment, the
vague sense of unease I had felt towards her suddenly took on a clear shape.
Her friendly smile,
her superior gaze, and her insensitivity to speak ill of me when we first met.
I realized that she was the one who had no friends.
Misaki was a chubby
girl with dull black hair. Her cheeks glistened with grease as they touched the
edge of her glasses. ―No one would want to
be friends with someone like that. When Serina had approached me in the spring
of our first year, it was because my appearance had made me worthy of being
next to her.
Once I thought about
it, my voice naturally came out before I could even think about it in my head.
"Unlike you, I
did have friends. Because I look decent."
After blurting those
words out, I naturally felt a pang of self-loathing. The habit of judging
people by their appearance and belittling them had developed since I became
friends with Serina and the others, and I hated it.
Misaki looked at me,
startled.
"You shouldn't
say things like that."
I'm just kidding. I'm
sorry for saying something weird.
I was about to say
that, but stopped. I didn't have any intention to be friends with her anyway.
It was the first time
I'd blurted out such harsh words since I'd distanced myself from Serina and the
others.
I was probably upset.
What Misaki had said
to me wasn't wrong. I don't have any friends, and it's my own fault. But that's
why it's not strange for me to not want to be reminded of it.
A peaceful life that I
had finally obtained after sacrificing nearly a year to avoid unpleasant
things. I think I felt a strong sense of discomfort at being touched on
something I wanted to hide the most right now. It was terribly selfish of me.
I am often called
insensitive.
When I thought about
it in words, I had an instant realization.
Yano Misaki is the
person closest to me, out of everyone I've ever met. She's similar to me. Very
similar.
I turned to look at
Misaki, who had turned away. Her unruly black hair was bouncing off the collar
of her sailor uniform. Her shoulders looked smaller than before.
After the opening
ceremony, we were supposed to decide on our committees, and I volunteered for
the library committee. Such a gloomy committee suits me well. The committee is
basically made up of two students from each class.
The other candidate
for the library committee was Yano Misaki. Apparently, she didn't dislike me.
She must have realized
that Yorunagi Rin was very “similar” to her.
My school is said to
have the largest library in the prefecture, but the number of visitors does not
seem to correspond to the number of books in the library. During lunch break,
the library was mostly empty, except for a few students studying at the desks
and a handful of students who seemed to be in the preliminary stage of skipping
school. The students at the prep school were busy with English and Math, so
there was no room for literature.
All the books in the
library are bar-coded to facilitate the borrowing and lending process. It is a
shame that so few people use this library, which is so much better equipped
than the small libraries in town.
"Have you ever
been in love, Rin-chan?"
The library
committee’s job was to handle book lending procedures, but currently, no one
came to the library with the intention of borrowing books. Bored, Misaki
suddenly asked a rather strange question.
"No, what about
you?"
Honestly, I wasn’t
interested, but I decided to ask anyway. Any conversation was better than an
awkward silence.
"I had a crush on
someone, but it didn’t work out."
"Oh, what was he
like?"
"He’s a year
older. We were on the same committee last year," Misaki said shyly,
shifting her eyes downward. "His name is Natsuno-senpai. Do you know him?"
Natsuno Hikaru.
The moment she said
his name, a shiver ran down my spine. It was a familiar name. My hazy memories
of him suddenly became vividly colored. I imagined a male student sitting alone
on the fourth-floor windowsill.
"I know him. We
were in the same class," I replied after taking a few seconds to compose
myself. "He’s really cool. He was very popular even in the previous year."
I tried to act like a
girl who had never spoken to him before.
Now that I have become
acquainted with Natsuno Hikaru, I was somewhat embarrassed to praise him out
loud for being so cool. Even so, most female students probably have a certain
amount of admiration for him because he is so much more attractive than the
others around him. For once, it couldn't be helped.
"Did you confess
to him?"
"No, I heard he
had a girlfriend."
"Eh,
really?" I exclaimed in surprise. "I never knew he had a girlfriend.
A third-year?"
"She’s a
second-year, Momoka-chan from class 4."
Despite his reputation
for being a good-looking guy, surprisingly, I had never heard of him having a
particular girlfriend. Therefore, all the girls who are interested in him are
desperately trying to appeal to him that they might have a chance as well. As
an outsider, I used to admire his skill at self-appeal, thinking that it would
surely help him in his job hunting.
"Hee, he likes
younger girls, huh?" I muttered to myself.
"Hm? Did you say
something?"
"Fufu, it's
nothing."
I smiled, turned my
eyes away from Misaki, and rested my chin on my hand.
Well, isn't that
great?
Even though I am not
usually interested in other people's happiness, I genuinely felt happy for him.
The boy who had tried
to jump from the fourth floor that day now had the leeway to have a girlfriend.
It is a good thing.
I wonder if his
girlfriend knows that her handsome boyfriend had once tried to commit suicide.
"Sorry, gotta go
to the bathroom for a minute," Misaki said so, and as soon as she left, an
abrupt silence fell.
I've always been a
little uncomfortable with the kind of blank silence that suddenly came during
moments like these.
Voluntary solitude and
forced solitude are two completely different things. Up until last year, I
hated being seen like this, but that feeling has long since numbed. Now, I just
feel the emptiness of this silence.
I was about to reach
for the novel I had left beside me when I heard footsteps approaching the
counter. I quickly called up the computer screen.
"Here, I'll
borrow this."
A familiar voice
descended from above my head.
I took the book that
he had handed me. Then, as if drawn by some kind of gravitational pull, I
raised my face and looked at the owner of the voice.
"Long time no
see."
Natsuno Hikaru smiled
as he said that.
"How have you
been?"
Hikaru asked with a
bright smile.
I scanned the barcode
on the book cover and clicked on the name "Natsuno Hikaru" in the
list on the screen.
I didn't say a word
during the whole process. I was a little annoyed at the thought of responding
so readily to a man who had not contacted me in nearly six months, yet was
still talking to me in a casual manner.
"I see, you
decided not to quit school."
His voice, which I
hadn't heard in ten months, was much clearer and softer than I remembered.
When I handed him the
book, he accepted it, saying, "Thank you." Our hands touched
slightly, and it was probably intentional, but I don't have the pure heart to
be fluttered by such a cute gesture.
"Are you angry
that I didn't reply to your LINE? Sorry, my mom took away my phone."
When I remained
silent, Hikaru looked at my face with a troubled expression. I felt a little sorry
for him.
"It's fine."
I replied with just
those words, and Hikaru narrowed his eyes gently, saying, "Thank
goodness." I was inadvertently captivated by the perfect facial features I
saw at close range, and I couldn't help but gawk. It was extremely unintentional.
I knew that despite his appearance, this man was a fan of gloomy movies and
literature.
"Let's catch up.
How about we go out for dinner on the weekend?"
"You may not
believe it, but I'm quite busy."
"That's
surprising. I thought you were spending all day going back and forth between
movies and novels," Hikaru said sarcastically.
Isn't it fine to just
use LINE? He said his mom took away his phone, but didn't he get it back now?
Exams are indeed around the corner, but he's still an honor student, isn't he?
There should be no problem for him to hold his phone.
Getting more and more
annoyed, I played my trump card. "You have a girlfriend, don't you? Is it
okay to go out with other girls?"
When I added, "I
heard from a friend," Hikaru smiled, strangely happy. "So you made a
friend," he said. That wasn't the point.
"Natsuno, you
like younger girls, huh?"
"What's with the
'Natsuno'? Just call me Hikaru."
"That doesn't
matter right now."
"By girlfriend,
do you mean Momoka-chan? I'm not dating her, though."
"Huh?
Really?"
"Yeah. I just
sometimes stay over at her place. Her dad's on a business trip, and her mom and
brother always come home late," Hikaru said casually.
I was so shocked that I
immediately looked at him as if I were looking at trash.
"...What a
scumbag."
"That's kinda
hurt."
"Disgusting,
despicable, perverted, the enemy of women..."
"Stop, I'm
innocent. I didn't do anything like what you think."
"Should I tell
the teacher?"
"Absolutely
don't. I'm just staying over, and that's all," Hikaru smiled wickedly and
continued, "You're good at taking things literally, right?"
"...Is that
sarcasm?"
"Hee, so you can
understand that."
I opened my mouth to
argue, but in the end, I closed it without saying anything. Talking to him
disturbed my pace. It was very uncomfortable.
As I lowered my eyes
to escape from him, I noticed that the people who were studying at their desks
were glancing in our direction. After all, Natsuno Hikaru was too conspicuous
to be left in the library. I wondered how long he was going to stay.
"Are you free,
Hikaru?"
"Oh, you finally
called me Hikaru," Hikaru smiled, squinting his eyes happily.
"Stop that, it
ruins the mood."
"Haha, what's
that supposed to mean?" Hikaru laughed cheerfully. I remembered my former
classmates calling him 'invigorating.'
"So why are you
staying over at a younger girl's house?" I returned to the topic.
When a man and a woman
have a sleepover, there's only one thing to do. I glared at him as if to tell
him to confess his sins.
Hikaru frowned
uncomfortably, smiled, and then erased his expression.
Silence fell over the
library.
—Ah, this guy's no good.
I knew it intuitively.
I had seen this expression on his face last summer.
"I just don't want
to stay at home," Hikaru said in an extremely calm voice.
It felt like the
temperature around us had dropped, and the sound of the cicadas had gotten
louder.
I didn't know what to
say. Feeling awkward, I glanced around. I always do that. Do normal people know
what to say at times like this?
I think I'm not a kind
person. Even I, who's not good at 'understanding' others, can tell when someone
is clearly weak and wants comforting words, but not a single word comes to
mind.
I wish there was a
dictionary for kindness. Then I could pick out words from there.
"...Hey, how long
are you going to be here?"
After racking my
brain, those were the words that came out of my mouth. I looked at Hikaru,
thinking that I had used the wrong words again, because the way I said it had a
tinge of rejection in it.
Hikari's eyes were
wide in surprise.
See, I messed up after
all.
Just as I thought so,
he slightly raised the corners of his lips. It was as if he were saying,
"That's right, that's the kind of person you are." It was at this
point that I realized, for the first time, that he had become a good friend of
mine through our LINE conversations.
"Isn't it fine?
No one else will come to borrow books anyway."
"My friend will
be back soon."
I suddenly remembered
Misaki. I was also worried about what others might think, but it would be a bit
awkward if she came while I was alone with Hikaru, especially after hearing
about her feelings for him earlier.
"Is there a
problem with that?"
"She's a fan of
yours, so it would be troublesome if she asked about our relationship."
When I said this,
Hikaru pouted. If you just looked at his face, he would look cute, but you have
to remember that there's the body of a tall high school boy underneath.
"Alright, I'll
head back now." Hikaru picked up the book and turned on his heel, but
halfway there, he turned around as if remembering something, "Hey,"
he said.
"What?"
"What do you
think our relationship is?"
He said it in a lower
voice than usual. The corners of his well-defined lips were slightly raised,
and his eyes, slightly squinted, fixed on me.
I had learned over the
months of LINE exchanges that he enjoyed testing me like this, which was rather
distasteful. As if to say, "Now, let's see if you can say the words I want
to hear."
After a few seconds of
hesitation, I decided to play coy.
"What's that
supposed to mean? That sounds like something you'd say to your girlfriend. You
don't like that kind of thing, do you?"
Apparently, there are
people who find sex with someone other than their lover to be quite
pleasurable. They sleep with a woman they don't like, get drunk on themselves
to the fullest, and say things like Hikaru just said. I can't fathom it, and
I'm sure Hikaru has no liking for it either.
When I said this,
Hikaru lowered his eyebrows and laughed, as if he were chiding a child's
nonsense, and agreed with me, saying, “Yes, I suppose so." I knew that
what I said was not the answer he was looking for.
Hikaru suddenly erased
his expression and leaned his mouth close to my ear. I flinched at this sudden
movement.
"...What the,
you're grossing me out."
"Can I stay over
tonight?"
His voice was somehow
seductive, and I involuntarily gasped. His breath, warm against the back of my
ear, felt strangely vivid.
"How should I
interpret that?"
"Exactly what it
sounds like."
"Well,
fine."
"You mean you'll
let me stay the night?"
I let my thoughts
wander for a moment, sighed a little, and replied, “I guess I don't have a
choice."
As soon as Hikaru
left, Misaki returned. She did not overhear our conversation, but she seemed to
have caught me talking with Hikaru. She asked me what kind of relationship I
had with him, and after much hesitation, I told her that we were just former
classmates.
---
-----
Thank you for my Patrons !!
[Platinum]
Aiden Elliott
MaxKne
Swagaraga
[Gold]
B random
DavidA
[Silver]
CoolmanMTD
Creris
Frédéric Bertrand-Hudon
Pristia
Anton Lim
Ctdela
Curious Panda
Read Advanced Chapters only on my Patreon
-----
