Volume 1
Chapter 2 Part
1
Translator : PolterGlast
Summer vacation has
begun.
Apparently, in the
world of exams, summer was a crucial period, and third-year students were said
to have their schedules packed with individual study, mock exams, and special
lectures. Therefore I, a second-year repeater, no longer saw Hikaru, an excellent
student, and he stopped coming over to stay overnight after summer vacation
began.
Not that my life
changed. As usual, I read books, played video games, and wrote novels. Yet,
every now and then, I'd notice the empty space around the cushion on the rug.
One morning, I woke
up. The clock read five.
I left the house and
went for a walk. The early morning walk was pleasant. Under the still-pale sky,
I kicked the dry asphalt and exposed myself to the fresh air that seemed
untouched by anyone.
About ten minutes'
walk from home, I saw something that didn't belong in such a pleasant space.
"Uwa~, it's
dead," I couldn't help but muttered to myself.
In this town with an
oddly high amount of traffic for a rural area, it was common to see dead
animals on the road. Usually cats or birds, and occasionally wild boars or
raccoons would be lying on the road in what looked like trash.
I poked the
sideways-lying cat with the tip of my shoe. No response. It must be dead.
I saw something
unpleasant right from the morning. The mud-covered cat with its eyes closed
resembled a dirty plastic bag, but it also had a grotesque appearance that was
typical of a dead animal.
I like early morning
walks, but frankly, coming across a carcass is not a pleasant thing. I decided
to change my walking route and go straight home.
As I continued my life
in this manner, August was nearing its end. Summer was coming to a close.
This summer wasn't
bad. Although I usually prefer to stay home, I went out almost every day during
the summer vacation and walked under the sun. I took pictures and recorded the
sights I saw. —Because I absolutely had to engrave this summer in my memory.
I think the age of
eighteen is special. If asked why, it's difficult to explain because this
thought is very intuitive, but still, there's something like a "Youth 18
Ticket," so I think eighteen is special for many people. The time that
cannot be forgotten is not fifteen or twenty, but eighteen.
Summer is also a
special season. The phrase "that summer (ano natsu)" is often used in
catchphrases and is also frequently used as a setting for stories. The smell of
plants and the sound of cicadas evoke memories of childhood and induce
nostalgia. I think that's the magical power of summer, something sentimental
and lyrical that stirs people's hearts.
Eighteen years old,
summer. The borderline between being a boy or a girl and becoming an adult.
Surely nothing will change, and my classmates who are a year older won't
categorize it as "the summer of eighteen". Instead, they'll probably
be focused on their studies for entrance exams with their eyes on the future.
Still, for me, the
present is more important than the future.
I probably wouldn't
regret it if I died tomorrow. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm living a
wonderful life with no regrets. It means I don't have high hopes for the
future. I don't care about my own future. If my life ends, that's fine with me.
But that doesn't mean
I want to die. I hate pain and suffering, as long as the food is delicious, and
I don't mind living a passive life.
Misaki was visiting
her grandparents in Kansai (we are not close enough to hang out on holidays to
begin with), my parents were still busy with work, and I didn't see Hikaru, so
I was often alone.
I like being alone. I
feel most relaxed and be myself when I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not afraid
of loneliness or isolation. The only thing that made me uncomfortable was being
pointed at, laughed at, and pitied by others.
---
Toward the end of the
summer vacation, a lone guest appeared at my doorstep.
A tall boy who rang
the Yorunagi house doorbell was scratching the back of his head awkwardly.
"Do you remember
me? It's Sasaki, we were in the same class last year."
"Ah."
It's a familiar
hairstyle. I think he was good friends with Hikaru.
"May I help
you?"
As soon as I said
that, I was worried that it might have sounded rude. But Sasaki didn't seem to
mind and started talking about his business.
"Hikaru hasn't
been home since the day before yesterday."
"Hee."
"His mother
called me so many times."
"So many times,
huh?", I ruminated.
"She seemed to
know my phone number," Sasaki said with a tired expression. "'Do you
know where Hikaru went?' she asked me eleven times, morning, noon, and
night."
Is he probably hanging
out at some junior's house again? But it's strange that he's not using the
excuse he used before, "I'm having a study camp with the top student in
the grade." Even though he often stayed overnight, he had never been away from
home for several days without permission.
"That's awful
news."
"I thought maybe
you would know something since you've been close to him lately."
"I don't
know."
I haven't seen him
since summer vacation started. Hikaru's toxic mother still hasn't returned his
phone, and our communication via SNS is also cut off.
I don't particularly
think that he is cold-hearted, even though he used to come over to our house so
often. I live my life as usual, only occasionally thinking, "I wonder what
he's doing now." I don't feel lonely at all.
"Right. Sorry for
dropping by so suddenly," Sasaki added, saying, "I didn't know
Yorunagi-san's contact information after all."
I replied, "Don't
worry about it." It's a phrase Hikaru often uses to show concern for
others.
"Would you like
to exchange LINE IDs? I might contact you again."
Would there be a
chance to contact someone from a different grade? I thought so, but I didn't
want to say anything unnecessary and cause trouble, so I silently gave him the
QR code.
After seeing off Sasaki,
I suddenly remembered and opened the chat screen with Hikaru. The last message
I had sent had not yet been read.
"Can't you just
write a letter or something?"
Feeling annoyed, I
sent, "Idiot."
It remains unread.
It's so disappointing.
That idiot Hikaru came
back three days after Sasaki's visit, one day before summer vacation ended.
The summer night air
was clear. The heavy, seasonal scent that went straight up my nose and the
sound of frogs from the nearby rice paddy were pleasant.
Sei Shōnagon wrote,
"Summer is night." It's scary to think that words praised over a
thousand years ago still exist today, but at the same time, I'm envious. The
things I feel and write will probably disappear like carbonated bubbles as soon
as I die.
After dinner and a bath,
the doorbell rang. I checked the monitor, thinking it was probably a delivery
service, and saw a large figure standing right next to the camera. When that
shadow moved with a slithering motion, I let out a short, involuntary scream,
"Yikes!"
Fearfully, I turned on
the intercom button.
"......Yes?"
"Good
evening."
"Hikaru?"
It was Hikaru. I
couldn't tell who it was at first because it was dark and he had his bangs
down.
I quickly ran to the
entrance and opened the door.
"Someone named
Sasaki came to my house the other day," I said quickly. "He said you
didn't come home."
Hikaru was standing
still with a backpack on his back and looked a little more tanned than the last
time I saw him. Perhaps because of this, his complexion was not bad and he did
not look depressed. But his expression was somehow detached as if he had made
up his mind about something, and I felt a strange sense of foreboding.
"I went on a
little trip," he said in his usual calm voice, contrary to my worries.
"At this time of
year?"
"Even for
students preparing for exams, summer vacation is summer vacation."
"That's great,
but is that really okay? Sasaki said your mom called him so many times."
"Ah."
Hikaru averted his
gaze, and his face was devoid of all emotion, and I involuntarily held my
breath.
Sometimes, Hikaru
shows the same expression I saw in the chemistry lab last summer. Lifeless
eyes, a slack mouth, and bangs covering his eyes. —Perhaps this is the real
him.
"Come on in for
now."
Unable to say a single
witty word, I moved to the edge of the doorway and urged Hikaru to come inside.
I had so many questions. This was the first time I wanted to know so much about
someone, and the month I hadn't seen him was such a blank for me.
"No, I just came
to see Rin's face."
"What's that
supposed to mean? Are you that bored?"
Having my hospitality
brushed off, I said while pouting.
"I took some
pictures," Hikaru said, elegantly ignoring my sarcasm and taking out an
envelope from a well-known chain photo store.
He took the photos out
of the envelope and flipped through them. The fact that he had them printed on
paper instead of digital data was proof that he understood me well. I prefer
paper to electronic. After all, I think that tangible things are everything.
Most of the photos on
L-print photographic paper were landscapes. The ocean on a sunny day, cumulus
clouds beyond a railroad crossing, an abandoned station, and an old bus stop
hidden among trees. All of them were scenes that captivated me deeply, and I
realized once again that we had incredibly similar tastes.
Hikaru said that we
think alike, but perhaps what we really have in common is the depths of our
human senses, such as the nerves that perceive these things.
"Rin, you like
this kind of thing, don't you?" Hikaru said confidently. His lowered bangs
cast a dark shadow, obscuring his eyes.
"I like it,"
I replied. My voice was unnaturally gentle.
---
After Hikaru left, I
spent a lonely night listening to the crickets.
The second semester
starts tomorrow.
I wonder what kind of
days the second semester will bring. It was such a sentimental night that I
suddenly found myself thinking about such things.
It will probably be
almost the same as the first semester. I enjoyed the library committee work
more than I thought, but I don't want to do it next term because it's still a
hassle. I would like to continue my relationship with Misaki if possible, but
it's okay if I can't. What about the other classmates? My parents? Hikaru?
—What about Serina?
As soon as that name
popped into my head, my vision lit up for a moment, as if sparks had flashed in
front of my eyes.
Serina. A former
friend. She was the one who talked to me when I was isolated when I first
enrolled.
Why did Serina's name
come up? I haven't seen her in a long time.
I tried to think about
something else. But no matter how many times I tried to shake it off, her name
kept replaying in my voice with an unpleasant sensation as if a foreign object
had gotten mixed up in my head.
Serina. Serina.
Serina—
There's nothing more
agonizing than a sleepless night. Before I drowned in the endless sea of
thought, I got up decisively and turned on the DVD player. A DVD was already
set inside, and the movie started right away.
"Hymn of
Summer"
It was a Japanese film
released years ago that didn't do well at the box office and isn't very
well-known. The script was mediocre, so it wasn't widely accepted by the
general public. However, its visuals and atmospheric characters were praised,
and it gained a strong following among a certain niche of fans. I hate to
describe myself with the lame term "geek," but I loved this movie.
Kaito, the protagonist
living in a rural town, pushes a bullying classmate during his second year of
middle school. The bully falls headfirst, bleeding and motionless. He was dead.
Masaki, his childhood
friend, appears. With a trembling voice, Kaito spills out, "Help me,"
and Masaki replies, "Okay," picks up a nearby piece of concrete, and
strikes the dead classmate's face. Bright blood splatters.
Thus, the two became
accomplices.
Kaito, a coward, and
Masaki, the popular kid in class, decide to go somewhere far away. They boarded
a train to travel to a place where no one knew them.
Beautiful visuals flow
one after another. The colors of the deserted, uninhabited station, the
boundary line between the sea and the sky, the original scenery that stirs the
viewer's nostalgia.
"You and I are
accomplices," Masaki said on screen, with the blue sky and cumulus clouds
behind him.
If I were Kaito,
Masaki would be beside me, and I could ask him for help. With Masaki there, I
am sure that I can do anything, no matter how reckless—even murder.
Lying alone in bed, I
thought, "I couldn't become Kaito this summer after all." Well, not
that I wanted to be.
After watching the end
credits, I opened the curtains in my room. Dawn was breaking.
---
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