Volume 1
Chapter 1 Part
1
Translator : PolterGlast
The first time I spoke
to Natsuno Hikaru was about a year and a month ago, in the summer of my sophomore
year of high school.
The day of the closing
ceremony. I, who came to school just to hand in my withdrawal letter, was
aimlessly wandering around inside the school building.
Today, the temperature
was reported to have reached its highest peak of 35°, hot enough to make me
feel as if I could get burned just by the sunlight coming in through the
window. Outside, cicadas were chirping frantically, and inside, rectangular
patches of sunlight fell on the floor like pools of light.
In the quiet school
building, even the sound of my shoes hitting the floor seemed amplified. The
chirping of the cicadas outside couldn't quite drown out my presence in the
empty building.
My already weakened
physical condition after about three months of not going out made me think of taking
refuge in an air-conditioned classroom, but the idea of suddenly running into a
classmate was too dreadful.
There was a closing
ceremony, so only a few people were inside the school building. As I passed the
staff room, a skeptical-looking staff peered out at me from behind the door.
Teachers who passed by seemed to know my situation and gave me silent, troubled
expression. Their unreserved gazes irritated me. My fingertips tightened as I
held the withdrawal letter in my hand.
I don't know whether
this withdrawal letter that I printed out and filled in from a template on the
internet has any legal force, but I was confident that my intention would be
conveyed well.
Heading upstairs to a
less crowded area, I found myself on the fourth floor before I knew it. There
were chemistry and biology labs, and their respective preparation rooms. With
two hours to spare before I planned to slam this paper down on my homeroom
teacher's desk, I chose the chemistry lab, the closest one to the stairs, to
pass the time.
When I opened the
door, there was already someone else there. A male student sitting on the
windowsill with his legs dangling outside. Looking at his unique wolf-cut
hairstyle, I immediately recognized him.
His swaying black
hair, broad shoulders, bright white T-shirt, and neatly arranged shoes. Right
now we were on the fourth floor. If I were to push him even a little, he would
likely fall.
"Natsuno."
I called out his name
as his back was facing the room.
He seemed to have just
noticed my presence and slowly turned around, then smiled with a calm
expression.
When I tried to look
into his eyes, I was blinded by the blinding sunlight and closed my eyes
tightly. If it had been anyone else sitting there instead of him, I would have
simply left without saying a word. Even if that person fell and died, I
wouldn't feel much emotion. That was if the person sitting in what seemed like
the prime seat for suicide candidates wasn't him—Natsuno Hikaru.
Although we weren't
close enough to address each other so casually, the name "Natsuno"
slipped out naturally. I've never been fond of addressing boys with honorifics
like "-kun."
"So it's you, Yorunagi-san."
Natsuno Hikaru who was
still sitting on the windowsill of the fourth floor called my name in a calm
manner.
So, he remembered me.
I had only been in the same class as him for the first ten days of our second
year, so while he might have known my name, it surprised me that he could
remember me by face. Maybe he remembered me because of my flashy former friend.
He didn't address me
casually. Even though I don't like being called by the honorific
"-san", we're also not acquainted enough that I can say
"Yorunagi is fine".
Even during this time,
Natsuno Hikaru remained seated on the windowsill of the fourth floor.
Honestly, I expected a
more dramatic reaction. Knowing that he was sitting in a position where he
could jump in a second, I thought he would be more shaken, perhaps even try to
silence me. Or maybe he would jump the moment I spoke to him.
I thought he was the
type of person who would be very reluctant to let people around him know about
his problems and suffering, especially his suicidal thoughts. There are people
in this world who consider it shameful to show weakness, and I was one of them.
"Just so you
know, I have no intention of committing suicide or anything."
Natsuno said so, as if
he could read my mind. But someone who wasn't planning to jump wouldn't skip
class and sit in such a dangerous spot. And his face looked terrible. I think
“haggard” is the best word to describe him right now. His face is pale, there are
faint dark circles under his eyes, and his weak smile is somewhat painful. What
I see in the depths of his eyes, which do not match his handsome face, is a
sense of resignation toward the world.
I think a hundred
people out of a hundred would assume he was about to commit suicide.
―But since he said he wasn't, then I suppose he wasn't.
"I
understand," I said so while turning away from him.
I had no right to
question his words or tell him to get off that dangerous windowsill. We weren't
that close after all.
As I stepped out of
the chemistry lab into the hallway, I heard a burst of laughter from the
window. It was obviously him.
"Seriously?
You're just going to leave like that?"
The boy who I thought
was going to commit suicide laughed heartily. I tried to recall what was so
amusing about the situation, but I couldn't think of anything.
"You could at
least show some concern. I was seriously about to jump, you know?"
Natsuno said so,
spinning around and leaping from the windowsill to land gracefully on the
floor. He looked at me with a bright smile, and the light reflected off the
earcuffs he wore, momentarily dazzling my eyes.
Even though he had
claimed he was not going to commit suicide, I realized he was expecting me to
"read between the lines," something I wasn't very good at. It
reminded me of a former friend who looked at me with disdain and said, “Rin,
you don't understand how people feel, huh?"
Wouldn't someone who
wants to commit suicide normally not want to be stopped?
Yet he stopped me as I
was about to leave, and surprisingly wanted me to worry about him. If it had
been a mere attention-seeking stunt, I could have understood, but he wouldn't
have chosen the timing coinciding with the closing ceremony for that, and he
was usually surrounded by people anyway.
Natsuno approached me
with light steps.
"You could have
at least said something like, 'That's dangerous,' since we're classmates."
"We're not
classmates tho."
"Eh? Weren't we
in the same class?"
"I'm quitting
school."
To me, I was just
stating a fact, but he seemed quite surprised. His beautiful eyes widened and
he muttered, "Sorry about that." Even though he hadn't done anything
to warrant an apology.
"You don't have
to answer if you don't want to, but why?"
"Health problems."
"I see."
What an annoying guy.
If he knew my name and face, he should have known about my absence from school
and the many bad things that people I was close to said about me. And yet, he
still says, “Take care of yourself,” with a gentle expression as if he doesn't
know anything about me. I know that he is trying to be considerate, but the
perfect smile he made made me somewhat annoyed.
However, I also
understood something from his demeanor. ―He didn't know about the 'incident'.
If he knew, he would have looked at me with disdain.
Serina, she hasn't
told Natsuno.
She was talking to
Natsuno a lot, so I thought she would have told him about 'that incident' as
well. Certainly, talking about such things to the person she loves would lower
her own reputation.
It didn't matter
anymore, though, because I decided to quit the school anyway.
The chemistry lab was
not air-conditioned. The air was lukewarm, and the only coolness came from the
occasional summer breeze coming in through the open window.
"Right, let's
exchange contact information,” Natsuno abruptly said.
"Huh? Why?"
"Yorunagi-san,
you're not even a member of our class LINE, are you?
If we don't exchange
now, who knows when we'll meet again."
"That's exactly
why I'm quitting school."
"That's even more
of a reason."
"I left my phone
at home."
That's a lie. My phone
is actually in my pocket.
I erased all the
contact information of everyone I met in high school. I didn't want to leave
anything that would remind me of this school.
"If that's the
case, let's go get it, right now."
"Huh, you want to
go that far?"
"Of course."
Natsuno smiled with a
very beautiful smile. I remembered the comments from the girls in class saying
that his gentle demeanor contrasted with his appearance, making him even more
attractive.
How can this be called
'gentle,' I thought as I glared at the man who was pulling my arm and urging me
on. I could understand why he would be concerned about someone who wanted to
quit school, which is rare at this school, but, would anyone normally go this
far?
Besides, he―
"Aren't you going
to commit suicide?"
"Huh?"
"You were just
about to commit suicide, weren't you? What's the point of getting your
classmate's contact information if you're planning to die?"
Just a moment ago, he
was on the brink of committing suicide. A fourth-floor window. If he'd fallen,
he would have probably died.
Natsuno's hand pulled
away from my left arm. His eyes widened in surprise, and then he looked away,
lost in thought.
In that brief moment,
his face and eyes, stripped of any expression and devoid of light, revealed the
darkness that he harbored, and it made me feel strangely uncomfortable.
"I think I'll
hold off on that for a while."
Natsuno said
nonchalantly and turned his eyes toward me again.
Talking to him, it was
hard to believe that he was about to commit suicide a moment ago. He looked
like a normal, good-looking high school student, calm and composed. Yet, the
occasional blank expression on his face made me wonder if it was a habit of
someone contemplating suicide.
"Come, let's go,
before the ceremony ends. You can submit the withdrawal letter another
day."
Natsuno said, pointing
to the A4 sheet of paper in my right hand.
After a few seconds of
hesitation, I replied, "Fine," folded the withdrawal letter in half,
and took my phone out of my pocket.
---
I had exchanged
contact information with many people before, but most of those interactions had
fizzled out after the initial "nice to meet you" message. I had
expected the same to happen with Natsuno Hikaru. However, contrary to my
expectations, we started contacting each other frequently. Perhaps it was
because he was good at closing the distance between us, or maybe it was
because, being not attending school, I had a lot of free time and our
interactions became a kind of enjoyment for me.
We started by sharing
our favorite movies and novels. I was surprised that a popular guy like him
would read novels. But I was starting to realize that literature wasn't as
exclusive as I thought.
Surprisingly, we had
similar tastes. He knew most of my favorite novels, and many of his favorite
movies were also my favorites.
"Although it's
classic, I prefer boy-meets-girl stories. It's even better if there is a crime
or mystery involved."
"Even though you
say 'classic,' it's a bit different from the typical coming-of-age stories. The
plot is grand, but there are only two important characters involved in
it."
"I like that
sense of isolation. A story that begins and ends without anyone else knowing.
It's a common trope, but just like 'One Summer Getaway'. There's a really good
movie called 'Hymn of Summer.' Have you seen it?"
"Yeah, I've seen
it. It's about a middle schooler who accidentally kills a classmate and runs
away with a friend during summer vacation, right? It's the kind of film with
very beautiful visuals of the original landscapes. However, although the
visuals in that movie are superb, it's a shame that the script is a little
bland."
"I know, right?
The film's direction could have been a little better. If they could have kept
the momentum from the beginning to the end, it would have been perfect. It's a
shame because the visuals are so good, especially the climax scene, which was
so beautiful. I heard that some people criticized the beach at sunset for being
too generic."
"I think visuals
are really important. The minimum requirement for a story is to have a decent
plot, and after that, direction and thematic elements are required. Otherwise,
it will be either a noisy, unmemorable story or a boring and lacking in
excitement story."
And so on.
All messages are sent
in writing. No phone calls. I guess he remembered that I had told him at the
beginning that I was not fond of phone calls.
Every time I learned
more about his preferences, I felt a strange sense of wonder and asked myself,
"Is this really Natsuno Hikaru?" I even seriously doubted if the
person I was messaging was Natsuno Hikaru or someone else.
Natsuno Hikaru's
personality was like an all-rounder character that often appears in fictional
stories directly popping up in the real world.
He had black hair
styled in a wolf haircut with bangs in a trendy center parting, which
accentuated his well-shaped forehead and sharp nose. He wore tough-looking
earcuffs, giving him a slightly rebellious impression, but his gentle demeanor
perfectly compensated for it. In our rural high school filled with uncouth
students, someone as refined as him was rare.
In addition to his
good looks, he excelled academically and was naturally at the top of the
school's hierarchy.
He was the epitome of
perfection. ―And yet, such a person was trying to jump from a fourth-floor
window.
I understand that
everyone has their own problems. But it just seemed so wasteful that someone so
intelligent and well-liked would die. I, who wasn't liked by anyone, couldn't
help but think so.
Despite our
contrasting personalities, it was only natural that we shared similar tastes.
―It wasn't just our preferences for movies and novels, it was more about our
fundamental values and perspectives on things.
For example, we both
liked things like summer clouds, quiet beaches at dusk, train tracks with no
trains, old bus stops, and abandoned train stations. He, too, was strongly
attracted to such things with a sentimental, somehow beautiful, and melancholic
atmosphere, or, to put it bluntly, “emo” things.
Whenever I grew to
like him, the incident in the chemistry lab would come back to my mind, casting
a shadow over it.
As we kept in touch,
he started calling me "Rin." Perhaps it was because my LINE username
was "Rin," but I felt it was
somehow unfair to continue calling him “Natsuno,” so I started calling him
“Hikaru,” too. Hikaru didn't stop me.
We continued our
interactions, but around winter, Hikaru suddenly stopped replying. My messages,
like "Have you seen this movie?" still remain unread.
And so, I have not
received any messages from Hikaru since then.
♢
-----
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