Volume 1
Chapter 3 Part
1
Translator : PolterGlast
The train station
platform at three in the afternoon was terribly deserted.
Perhaps there weren't
many people making long trips around the time when summer vacation was ending,
and perhaps there weren't many people who would bother to go back to a boring
town in the countryside. From such an empty platform, we, with only one backpack's
worth of luggage, boarded the Shinkansen bound for Tokyo.
"I lived in Tokyo
until I was in my second year of middle school."
Three years ago, my
parents, who were divorced, remarried, and I moved with my mother from Tokyo to
this town in Hokuriku where my father lived.
I sat by the window in
the non-reserved seating, and Hikaru sat on the aisle side.
"The Shinkansen
tilts a little when it's stopped, doesn't it? It's strange," I said,
stumbling as I headed to my seat.
"It was designed
so that it could steer while moving at high speed. If it were upright, the
centrifugal force would be too strong."
"You see, it's
more important to empathize than to state facts when talking to girls. Don't
you know that, Hikaru-kun, the ladies' man?"
"I would do that to
other girls. But Rin, you're not that type, right?"
"I'm certified
level one in Yorunagi Certification."
For me, the most
important thing in conversation is exchanging information, and I don't seek
empathy or comfort. Licking each other's wounds is a hassle. In other words,
I'm not good at small talk.
"Oh, I got a LINE
from Sasaki. 'Are you taking a day off again today?'"
I just marked it as
read and closed the app.
I haven't notified the
school of any absences, neither yesterday nor today. It's not the first time
I've been absent without notice, so the teachers probably won't pay much
attention to it, and even if they do contact my parents, they're so busy with
work that they'll probably forget about it soon.
Still, I wonder how he
knows I'm absent, even though he's in a different class, let alone a different
grade.
That thought was
interrupted by Hikaru. "… I told Sasaki."
"Huh? Isn't that
a bad move?" I looked at Hikaru.
"That's
unexpected. You hate unnecessary relationships, don't you?"
"That's true, but
I don't want to offend him by saying something unnecessary when I turn him
down."
"Oh. Well,
whatever."
I don't really
understand him, I thought. I had always thought he was a strange guy, but in
the past two days - since this strange getaway started - the image of Natsuki
Hikaru that I had built up until now has been completely shattered.
He's a masterpiece of
God, attempted suicide, and has a slightly gloomy hobby. He's killed his parent
and plans to continue killing.
"So, who are you
going to kill, Rin?"
While idly gazing at
the rapidly changing scenery outside the window, Hikaru asked this, his eyes
still fixed on his book. The cover of the book he was reading featured a photo
of a foreign philosopher whose name I had only heard of. He's reading another
dark-looking book; he has good taste, I thought.
I looked away from
Hikaru and mumbled, "A former classmate of mine from middle school."
"A former
classmate, huh? And the gender?"
"Female."
"So, what did she
do to you?"
"Nothing in
particular," I shrugged. "It's not like I had a huge grudge with her,
it's just that she was at the top of my list of people I didn't like."
"You mean she was
the one you hated most?"
"I suppose so,
but I don't think it's the same thing. It's hard to explain."
Honestly, when I'm
asked if there's anyone I want to kill, I'm at a loss. Of course, there are
people I resent, but even if that resentment is a motive, it's not enough to
warrant killing someone. Even if I tried to choose someone at random, it would
seem too cruel to have someone die because of my petty resentment. To hate
someone enough to want to kill them, you need a strong ego.
Somehow, the name of
my middle school classmate popped into my head at that moment.
"Do I have to
choose someone who did something really terrible to me?" I asked.
"Not
necessarily," Hikaru laughed.
"Yeah, I thought
so."
That's right, this is
just a game. It's not revenge. Heavy grudges are unnecessary. It's just a
twisted, tasteless spice for a simple getaway where we sacrifice human lives.
"But it was
unexpected. I thought you'd choose that girl first."
Hikaru said this in
his usual conversational tone.
"That
girl...?"
My heart thumped. Then
my pulse gradually quickened. I felt like my throat was being choked, and I
coughed lightly to cover it up.
That girl. It must be
her.
—I thought you'd choose Mitsuya Serina first.
You knew? Those words
were about to come out of my throat, but I quickly shut my mouth.
What happened to me
during the winter before I met Hikaru. Did he know about it? ...No, that
couldn't be. There's no way Serina would tell Hikaru something like that. Or
was it from another guy? That's also unlikely. Those smart guys know that
spreading rumors unnecessarily will ultimately ruin themselves. It's their way
to quietly bully a single classmate among their peers.
Hikaru probably saw
Serina bullying me or saying bad things about me and assumed that I hated her.
That's the conclusion I came to. It's a very common grudge among high school girls.
"I don't hold a
grudge against Serina."
When I said that,
Hikaru looked surprised as if to say, "Really."
—I didn't hold a grudge. I didn't know whether I should
resent her or not.
I shook my head
slightly. "Don't talk about Serina anymore."
I have too many
painful memories of her.
He simply said,
"Okay," and never brought up the topic again.
"What kind of
girl was that former classmate of yours?" Hikaru asked.
"To put it
simply, a bully. She didn't bully anyone in particular, though."
I think there are many
people in the world who are called "bullies" even though they haven't
actually bullied anyone. They are loud, defiant of teachers, and mean-spirited,
always ready to make fun of others. The word "bully" seemed to be the
most appropriate to describe such people.
She was quite trendy
for her time. She was the first to wear colored contact lenses to school, and
she had the trendy thin bangs before anyone else.
"Aren't those
introverts kind of creepy?"
Just around the time
when it became popular to classify people in the class as either popular or
unpopular, she, who was classified as popular, began to belittle the quiet and
unfashionable students in the class, who were considered unpopular, as being
inferior to her. I was also one of those who was ridiculed.
That's all.
You might think that
she's not someone worth killing, but in my case, the life I'm going to give up
isn't that important. Even if I were sentenced to death, I would feel a little
sorry for my parents, but I think it would be okay. Driven by my reason, which
had gone haywire from the summer heat, it's no big deal to just stab a knife
into the chest of someone I happened to dislike a little while ago.
It was undoubtedly
Hikaru who taught me that.
---
The Shinkansen entered
a tunnel and I lost my cell phone signal. As I was about to take a book out of
my backpack, I noticed a blue album sandwiched between a notebook and a clear
file.
"I forgot I put
it in my backpack," I muttered to myself.
A thin A4-sized album.
The file, which could hold four photos on each page, contained the photos I had
received from Hikaru the day before yesterday.
"Were you going
to bring it to school?"
"Yeah, I thought
I'd look at it after cleaning since I'd have some free time."
Our high school has a
big cleaning session at the beginning and end of each semester, and if you
finish cleaning your assigned area early, you have to wait quite a while until
the other areas are finished. Most students spend that time chatting with
friends, but unfortunately, I have almost no friends and I don't like small
talk either. I brought this album with me as someone to spend that time with,
but now that I've skipped school, there's no need for it.
"I wonder why I'm
so drawn to this,"
I said to no one in
particular as I flipped through the pages.
A summer sea that
emitted countless rays of light, distant cumulus clouds that could never be
touched by hand, a small park casting deep shadows at dusk, and an abandoned
bus stop buried in greenery.
"It's because
they're similar," Hikaru said this while his eyes still fixed on his book.
"Huh, which
one?"
I could understand the
abandoned bus stop and the park at dusk. There were similarities to me in that
they were isolated. But the sea and the cumulus clouds, unlike me, were
majestic and beautiful, and even though I knew I couldn't reach them, they were
objects of longing for people, something I couldn't reach. It's completely
different from me.
Hikaru continued in a
slow, deliberate tone. "It's kind of lonely, isn't it, the sea and the
sky, so far away."
"Are you trying
to say that I'm a lonely person?"
"Yeah, but that's
not all."
"You're being
unusually vague."
I turned my gaze out
the window.
It was dusk outside,
but there was nothing sentimental about it because the surroundings were moving
at high speed. The sunset was occasionally obscured by obstacles, and the
sunlight seemed to flicker. The mountains disappearing behind me in an instant
all looked the same.
What would happen if
the Shinkansen stopped at this moment? A soft, powerful summer, a windowsill
bathed in sunset glow, a village surrounded by trees, and a small shrine
visible in the distance. If I looked closely, I might be able to see the sea.
I visualize the scene
in my mind. The most beautiful sight I can imagine.
Sentimental,
melancholy, nostalgic, a heart-wrenching vividness, loneliness. Something that
ruthlessly stimulates the most sentimental part of a person's heart.
It was an object of
worship for me, and I would never mistakenly associated it with myself. But...
"Similar,
huh?"
It doesn't feel bad to
be told so. Especially when Hikaru says it, maybe it's really true. Is it
arrogant of me to think so?
After a while, the
Shinkansen arrived at Tokyo Station.
Hikaru stood up and
said, “Shall we go?". I followed him.
---
August 26th.
We left the Ikebukuro
business hotel at 11:00 a.m., and by the time we had lunch and moved to the
city where I used to live, the western sky was already tinged with crimson.
Even though it's
Tokyo, this is the suburbs, so the townscape isn't much different from my
hometown in Hokuriku. However, there are an unusual number of people, and even
on narrow roads where only one car can pass, there are many other people
besides us. Is this the difference between Tokyo and the countryside?
At 4:30 p.m., as the
sky began to redden slightly, we walked along the school route I used to walk
with my friends back then.
"What kind of
middle school student were you, Rin?"
"That's
sudden."
"We're not the
kind of people who need a preface, are we?"
"That's
true."
Looking back on my
junior high school years, I do not have many good memories, nor do I have any
particularly bad ones. In short, it was a boring three years.
"I was already
being called insensitive and couldn't read the room. But I went to middle
school as an extension of elementary school, so I had plenty of friends."
"Hee, that's
surprising."
"I think so
too."
Elementary school
students can naturally make friends without any particular effort. I believe
this is due to the innocence inherent in children who take human relationships
lightly.
"Honda
Airi," I muttered as I walked, keeping my face forward.
"What's
that?"
"The name of the
person I'm going to kill," I said in a lowered voice. "It's strange,
isn't it? Even though I haven't seen her in about four years, I remember her
name. I can't even remember the faces of my other classmates. I wonder
why."
"I think it's
normal to remember the names of one's middle school classmates."
"My hippocampus
just isn't built that way."
Honda Airi. I said her
name out loud for the first time in a long time.
I'm supposed to kill
her today.
The middle school I
attended in Tokyo had a majority of its students from two nearby elementary
schools, and I was from one of those elementary schools. Because of that, most
of the people around me were like childhood friends, and I didn't have to make
any special effort to make friends when I became a middle school student.
"The first time I
was isolated was at the middle school I transferred to," I added,
referring to Hokuriku. "I couldn't fit in from the very first day, and I
was a loner until I graduated."
In addition to being
naturally bad at joining groups, I couldn't adapt well to the unique atmosphere
of a local public school. Plus, I might have been seen as pretentious because I
was from Tokyo.
Because of my original
personality of not being able to read the room, I was completely judged as a
weirdo and before I knew it, I was alone.
"I didn't have
any friends and always read books at my desk. Naturally, I was looked down upon
by others and often made fun of by the boys."
"You were made
fun of?"
"It was nothing
serious. It was not even something I could call bullying. Things like being
disturbed while reading or being bumped into while walking, that's about it. I
don't even mind it anymore."
"How come? I feel
sorry for you, that you have become such a gloomy character."
"That's how I've
always been."
When asked what the
difference was between Honda Airi and those boys, I couldn't really answer it.
Sure, maybe it would be fine to kill them as well, but it's been three years
since then, and I can barely remember their faces or names.
As for Honda Airi, I
still think she is a jerk. I would never want to be friends with her even if we
met again, and when I decided to transfer to a school in Hokuriku, I thought I
was lucky that I would never have to see her again.
I kicked a small stone
at my feet in a childish gesture. It veered off course and rolled off, hitting Hikaru's
shin. I remembered a rule from elementary school that said we couldn't kick
stones on our way to and from school.
"I don't think
I've ever really been bullied," I said.
"That's
surprising."
"That's
rude," I said. "This is just my opinion, but I think children's
bullying doesn't get serious unless they are made fun of for their looks. You
know, kids that age tend to make fun of people's looks."
Looking back on it
now, I realize that in most cases, they put aside personal matters. That's how
little self-awareness children have.
The bullied kids I
knew were more often characterized by distinctive features rather than being
ugly. For example, calling a kid with big eyes "pop-eyed". I wanted
to tell them to look in the mirror and see their own squinty eyes.
"In contrast, I
have no distinctive facial features."
There was another girl
in my grade who was bullied far worse than I was. I didn't think she was ugly,
but her eyes were a little farther apart than other people's, and it made her
look weird. She moved out of the prefecture after graduation.
Starting with
appearance, people would thoroughly criticize everything, including body odor,
personality, grades, and family background. Sometimes it would escalate to
violence. There are people who are geniuses at hurting others, and it's not
just in novels.
"I don't think
I'm cute or anything, but I have a pretty normal-looking face."
In a good way, I have
an "unremarkable face," and in a bad way, I have a "mob
face." I used to have a complex about it, but I'm grateful that it saved
me from being severely bullied.
"Rin is cute. You
have a small head and a slender figure," Hikaru said with a smile.
"Whoa, a popular
guy sure can say things like that casually. It's scary,"
"I was just
complimenting you."
Even though I said
that, I realized my ears were getting hot from the unexpected compliment. I was
grateful for the red sunset.
"So you're saying
I'm 'cute with a certain vibe,' I don't mind," I said while looking away.
"No," Hikaru
denied. "You said you don't have any distinctive features, but not having
distinctive features doesn't mean you're not cute."
"Um, ... what
does that mean?"
Not understanding what
he meant, I looked at his face and asked. Hikaru sighed in exasperation and
said, "You're so dense."
"Like I
said," he looked me in the eye and said seriously, "I mean you're
especially cute, understand?"
"Eh?"
"Nn?"
I involuntarily came
to a halt. Hikari took a few steps forward and then turned and looked at me.
I heard a train
passing by in the distance.
"...That
surprised me."
"You're
blushing."
"Stop it."
"Your ears are
red."
"They're
not."
"Eh? But-"
"Shut it."
I covered my mouth
with one hand and turned my face away from Hikaru. Hikaru tried to peek at my
face while smirking, so I pushed him away.
"Hey, stop
it," I said, trying to sound calm. "We're not in that kind of
relationship, remember?"
Our strange
relationship doesn't need the kind of compliments one gives to a normal girl.
Although, even in a normal friendship between a boy and a girl, one wouldn't
say things like that, but this guy is the most popular guy in school, and he's
the type of person who doesn't hesitate to casually compliment his female
friends like he just did.
"I get it,"
Hikaru replied.
"What kind of kid
were you, Hikaru?"
I asked him this time.
I wanted to change the subject quickly.
"I think I was
just a normal kid."
"No way. With
your fast pace and your looks, there is no way you are not popular with the
girls."
"With my looks,
huh? Does that mean you think favorably of my appearance?"
Hikaru dramatically
covered the lower half of his face with both hands.
"No, that's just
a general opinion," I said, exasperated.
"I see, you're a
tsundere."
"Seriously, stop
it."
It gave me goosebumps,
I said, and showed my arm to Hikaru. Hikaru laughed and walked in front of me
with long strides.
I forgot to ask about
his childhood. I felt like I was kind of being brushed off.
---
-----
Thank you for my Patrons !!
[Platinum]
Aiden Elliott
MaxKne
Swagaraga
[Gold]
B random
DavidA
[Silver]
blue shooting
CoolmanMTD
Creris
Frédéric Bertrand-Hudon
Gtsfan321
Pristia
Anton Lim
Ctdela
Curious Panda
Read Advanced Chapters only on my Patreon
-----
