Volume 1
Chapter 3 Part
4
Translator : PolterGlast
Hikaru and I walked
through the deserted shopping district typical of rural towns. Most of the
shops were shuttered, and even those that weren't seemed lifeless, making it
hard to tell if they were open or closed.
"I’m going to a
hotel, but what about you Rin?"
"I’m going home,
so it’s fine."
It seemed odd to go
home in the middle of a getaway, but even if I did go back, my parents wouldn’t
notice, so it was no different from staying at a hotel. Since I only had my
belongings for the opening ceremony, I wanted to go home and get my other
stuff.
The bus I was supposed
to take passed slowly beside Hikaru, so I said, "See you later" and
ran to the bus stop. Once I reached it, I turned around and asked Hikaru,
"What are we going to do next?"
—Who are we going to kill next?
It was another
scorching hot day. It felt like summer was wringing out its last bit of heat.
Cicadas were mournfully calling out, lamenting the end of summer.
I was already on the
verge of crossing the ethical boundary of "Thou shalt not kill".
---
The midnight air was
eerily clear.
The transparent space,
devoid of any impurities, held nothing but silence. The blinking lights, the
cold playground equipment, and the bench where Hikaru and I were sitting were
all swallowed up by the darkness of the night, obscuring their form.
We parted ways in the
evening and reconvened at the park near the station around midnight. We needed
to discuss what to do next. I had suggested meeting at the hotel where Hikaru
was staying, but because it was a bit far from my house, we had chosen this
park instead.
"Have you decided
who’s next?" Hikaru asked, taking a sip of canned coffee.
We looked suspicious,
eating hot snacks we had bought from a convenience store as a late dinner. We
quickly gulped down our karaage.
"Before we
discuss that, there’s something I want to ask," I began, folding the
wrapper from my finished corn dog. There was something I had been wondering
about since last night.
"What is
it?"
"Are all the
people you want to kill your relatives?"
Hikaru's first victim
was his biological mother, followed by his stepfather, and then he tried to
kill his biological father. All of them were either blood relatives or legally
related to him.
I didn't directly ask
about his motives, but it might have been a result of years of resentment and
repeated struggles. I can't say for sure because I've never killed a family
member, but many of the people who killed their relatives in the movies had
similar motivations. That's why I felt so childish and ashamed of myself for
wanting to kill random people for petty reasons.
"No, the next one
will be a stranger," Hikaru replied calmly.
Despite having killed
two people, he maintained a calm demeanor. However, the occasional words he
uttered carried a cold cruelty that was characteristic of a madman. Like me, he
too was losing his sense of morality in the summer heat.
"I see." I
was a little surprised to hear myself say that. Somehow I don't get the image
of him hating strangers.
"So, who are you
going to kill next?"
Hikaru urged me, so I
swallowed my hesitation and named the person I hated.
"Goto-sensei."
As I muttered those
words into the darkness, Hikaru's eyes widened in surprise.
"What's with that
face?"
"I was going to
kill Goto-sensei too."
"No way."
I was also surprised
by our unfortunate coincidence, which must have been the most disgraceful thing
for Goto-sensei.
Goto-sensei was our
homeroom teacher last year. He was now the homeroom teacher of Hikaru's class.
He was a math teacher, about thirty years old. He wasn't very tall, but he was
big because he was overweight.
I didn't like his
"I'm a good teacher" way of interacting with people, and his
high-pitched voice when he yelled. That was all. Like Honda Airi, there was no
particular reason to want to kill him, but he was the unfortunate person who
came to mind when I thought of someone I hated.
[There’s that saying,
'It’s all summer’s fault', right? That’s fine.]
I remembered Hikaru’s
words. That’s right, it's fine.
I could not care less
what would happen to my meaningless life. I didn’t care if someone was made
unhappy by the crimes I committed. Right now, I just wanted to enjoy this
selfish game with Hikaru.
"Good. I saw
Goto-sensei last week. He’s definitely alive."
"I don’t know if
that’s a good thing or not."
"Since we picked
the same person, you can choose someone else. I’ll take care of
Goto-sensei."
"Don’t take care
of something like that."
"I don't think
Rin could kill someone as big as him," Hikaru added.
I thought back to the
faces of all the people I had resented up until now.
Being smart doesn't
equate to being a good person. There were plenty of crappy people even at the
prestigious school. Iida, who would ask things like, "Yorunagi, how many
people have you slept with?" trying to gauge my reaction. Yamamoto, who
would sneer, "Yorunagi's such a loner, she's just Serina's sidekick."
Nakano, who had shared my umbrella on a rainy day, and the group of boys who
had laughed at him from behind.
But none of them felt
right.
"Then," I
said, making up my mind. "Then let's do it together."
Let's kill him
together. It was a casual invitation, as if I were asking someone to go to a
convenience store. It was absurd to equate buying snacks with killing someone.
Just a few days ago, I asked Hikaru, "Do you understand what it means to
kill someone?" Now, I had completely forgotten how funny that sounded.
It was a hot night.
The intense midday sun lingered in the air like steam, making my head feel
light and nauseous.
It was all the
summer's fault. It was the summer's fault that I had gotten into this twisted
game, that I had become so cavalier about life. But it's fine, that's what
Hikaru had said.
"It's late now,
so let's make a detailed plan tomorrow morning."
"Alright. See you
tomorrow then."
With those words, I
stood up and left the park.
When I returned home,
my parents' shoes were lined up at the entrance.
I took off my sneakers
and went inside. As usual, my individualistic parents would immediately retreat
to their own rooms as soon as they got home, so there was no one in the living
room.
I took a bottled tea
from the refrigerator and headed to my room. As soon as I entered the room, I
dropped my backpack on the floor and turned on the air conditioner. Even in
late August, the nights were still swelteringly hot.
I collapsed onto the
bed and thought about what had happened. It felt like I had been thinking about
something for the past three days.
"......I've
gotten myself into a mess," I murmured, pressing my face into the pillow.
I think it was the
most intense three days of my life. I was so tired. I wanted to stop thinking,
but my mind kept spinning unconsciously.
The summer nights were
a little lonely. I didn't know if it was the smell, the sound of the insects,
or something else, but it was stimulating the vulnerable part of my heart.
I wish Hikaru had his
phone with him. Then I could have called him right now and heard his voice. He
would surely have been able to soothe my anxiety.
I quickly got up and
moved.
First, I hung my
wrinkled uniform on a hanger in my bag, and then I removed everything else that
I didn't need for my getaway, such as clear files and pencil cases. The place I
was going to was not the school after all.
After emptying my bag,
I started packing what I needed. A change of clothes, wallet, and a charger.
Even though I was going to kill someone tomorrow, I felt a strange sense of
excitement, as if I were going on a field trip.
While rummaging
through a drawer looking for my portable battery, I found a folded notebook at the
back. As I flipped through the pages, I realized it was my math notebook that
had gone missing around June.
I sat on the bed and
continued to flip through the pages of the notebook. Above the notes on the
lessons, there were several strange lines, as if I had fallen asleep in the
middle of class. I was glad that Goto-sensei wasn't my math teacher this year.
Goto, who was strict about napping during class, would have surely called me
out and scolded me.
Outside the house,
insects were chirping monotonously. The delicate sound of the insects, Goto's
high-pitched voice, and Hikaru's voice. Of all these sounds, the ones coming
from Hikaru's mouth were the only ones that mattered to me.
I closed the notebook
and opened the photo album containing the pictures Hikaru had given me,
treating it with a thousand times more care than I would open my math textbook.
♢
I first had a
one-on-one conversation with Goto around the end of April last year.
"Yorunagi, you're
a lost cause," he said.
About 20 days had
passed since I became a sophomore and joined a new class. After school, Goto
called me to the staff room and said those words.
Looking down at the
overweight man slouched over in his cheap gray swivel chair, I calmly said,
"Lost cause? What do you mean?"
"Lost cause"
was a phrase that high school students would use in casual conversation. It
wasn't a word a teacher would use when addressing a student. Perhaps he had
wanted to sound friendly and approachable, but as a teacher, I think he should
say things more appropriately. Besides, by omitting the object and leaving the
explanation incomplete, I couldn't understand in what way I was a "lost
cause".
"Huh?"
Goto's face twisted in displeasure. "Are you kidding me?"
I had simply asked out
of curiosity. His low boiling point was another reason why I couldn't respect
him as an adult.
"Your
grades."
"Huh?"
"Your performance
on the aptitude test was terrible. If you don't want to study, go into the
liberal arts."
A typical math
teacher's view of science supremacy.
Goto seemed quite
upset. Perhaps the reason he called me over was to complain about my low
grades, but he would get angry over even the slightest things I did or said. I
thought it would be better not to say anything unnecessary.
"I'll increase my
study time from now on. I'll also review what I learn every day."
I said it smoothly,
like a machine. If I said this, the teacher wouldn't have anything to complain
about.
"Also," he
said.
I turned to face Goto
with a feeling of annoyance. Was there more?
"You still
haven't apologized to Serina, have you?"
A cold shiver ran down
my spine.
I hadn't expected to
hear Serina's name from Goto.
He was merely my math
teacher last year, but he must have known that we were close. He probably heard
a distorted version of the reasons why we had fallen out from Serina. ―And
probably, she kept the part about the bullying they had inflicted on me
completely secret.
"If you hurt
someone, apologize. You're a high school student now," he said.
I wondered what an
adult who judged things based on only one side of the story was thinking.
Still, there was no point in arguing, so I showed a token of sincerity.
"I understand.
I'll be careful," I said nonchalantly.
"What's that
attitude?" Goto took a deep breath and turned red. "You've been
making fun of me since earlier."
My current attitude
was not something that would warrant a yell, and in fact, I had no intention of
making fun of Goto at all. Maybe my calm reply made him think I wasn't at all
remorseful.
Perhaps he wanted me
to show more of a high school student's humility. ―I'd rather die than do that.
When Goto fell silent,
I moved instantly and ran out into the hallway.
"Oi!"
There was no way I was
going to lose to a fat teacher in a race. I ran down the stairs in one go and
when I reached the landing, I turned around.
"………………Yorunagi!"
"Shut up,
idiot."
From that day on, I
stopped going to school.
♢
-----
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