Volume 1
Chapter 4 Part
2
Translator : PolterGlast
It was a few months
after I enrolled in high school that I learned the name Natsuno Hikaru.
"Natsuno
Hikaru?"
When I commented,
“What a dazzling name,” Serina, who was sitting in the chair in front of me,
exclaimed in surprise, “You don't know!?"
She sat with her legs
spread wide, her arms wrapped around the back of the chair, looking at me with
a look of disbelief.
"It's been a
rumor since the entrance ceremony. There's a super cool guy in Class 2.'
"Hee..."
Serina's cheeks puffed
out in dissatisfaction at my flat response. The smell of sweet perfume wafted
through the air.
"Rin isn't
interested in that kind of thing, huh?"
Miu, who was sitting
next to me, nibbling on a small bento box, came to my rescue.
Miu stretched her long
legs out to the seat in front of me and grinned at me. Her ponytail flowed
smoothly over her shoulder.
I made a wry smile.
"So what about
this Natsuno Hikari-san?" I asked.
"It's not
[Hikari], it's [Hikaru]!" Serina said loudly.
My ears rang. The boy
in the seat in front of her turned around annoyed, so I apologized to him in my
heart.
"Serina, are you
close with him?" I asked.
"We're not really
close, but we're in the same committee, so how should I put it...."
"Serina likes
him," Miu said with a sly grin on her face.
"Miu!"
Serina's cheeks turned
red. Miu tapped the desk and laughed loudly.
According to Miu,
Serina likes a boy in another class named Natsuno Hikaru and is currently in
the midst of a full-scale attack.
"Serina, you are
cute, you'll definitely get him!"
Miu patted Serina on
the shoulder.
At that moment, her
gaze turned to me as if to say, "Rin, you think so too, don't you?" I
nodded vigorously in response.
I think Serina is a
really cute girl. Except for her slightly long midface, her facial features are
perfectly beautiful, and I think she's cuter than any celebrity I've seen on
TV.
In addition, she was
extremely strict about beauty. She would spare no effort to become beautiful. Her
light-pigmented hair reached down to her back and was lustrous even though it
was curled and styled every day. Her style was perfectly polished, and her skin
was as white as snow.
So I thought that this
Natsuno Hikaru would surely fall in love with Serina.
---
Then one day, someone
stood in the way of Serina's romance.
"Hey, have you
heard?" Miu said, taking the straw out of her strawberry milk.
"Apparently, Class 2 had a seating change recently, and Haruka is now sitting
next to Natsuno-kun."
"Is there
something wrong with that?" I asked.
The name Haruka didn't
ring a bell. I'm not good at remembering people's faces.
Miu lowered her voice
and said, "Apparently, Haruka is aiming for Natsuno-kun."
If what Miu said was
true, then that person would be Serina's love rival. When I looked at Serina,
she said, "Don't worry about it," and smiled with the corners of her
lips upturned. "Because she's ugly."
Serina is an
incredibly beautiful girl. It was a perfection that came with extraordinary
effort, but she had a habit of judging people by their appearance. Anyone who
fell below Serina's minimum standard of beauty was automatically a target of
ridicule.
At first, I was
perplexed by her extreme values, but gradually, it became part of my thinking
as well. I was shocked to realize that I was judging people by their
appearance, but I thought maybe that's just how people are.
"Love seems
troublesome," I said.
Since Natsuno Hikaru
and Serina were in different classes, Serina would visit the Class 2 classroom
during breaks for any reason she could think of. I didn't quite understand why
she would go to such lengths. Was it the power of love?
"Why don't you
look for a boyfriend, Rin?"
Serina's question made
me think, "Here we go again." Whenever we talked about love, she
always asked that question.
"Because I don't
understand things like romance and love," I said my usual line.
I wonder how many
times I've said this. It's an abstract, cliche line that you might find in a
teen novel, and I'm a little embarrassed, but it's the undeniable truth, and I
like it because it's hard to argue with.
"The heck is
that?" Serina propped her chin on her hand and stared at me intently.
"Even though you're so cute. What a waste."
I thought there was
nothing one could do about what one didn't understand. As I thought that, I
forced a polite smile.
"Well, that is so
like you, Rin," Miu said cheerfully. "More importantly, Serina, how
are things with Natsuno-kun?"
"Hehe, we
exchanged LINEs."
"Really? That's
great!"
Watching the girl talk
unfold in front of me, I felt the afternoon drowsiness creep in as I followed
the contrails of a plane outside the window.
"I'm going to
confess to him once we get closer."
I was one step ahead
of falling into a doze while listening to Serina's excited voice in one ear.
---
Serina confessed to
Hikaru at the November cultural festival and was rejected without a second
thought.
When I saw Hikaru from
a distance at that time, my impression was that he was tall, had a small head,
and seemed kind of a player. Sure, he had good features, but he was not the
kind of person I would enjoy having as a boyfriend.
"Come on, Serina,
don't cry,"
"But..."
There were only the
three of us in the classroom after school. It was late, and there were no
strong-willed people in this class who would dare to enter this atmosphere in
the classroom.
"But this Natsuno
guy seemed like a bit of a player. There's a better guy out there for you,
Serina."
When I said that to
comfort her, Serina glared at me sharply with teary eyes.
"What's with
that?" Serina said in a low voice. "Are you making fun of the person
I like?"
"S-Sorry," I
apologized immediately.
"Now, now. Since
Rin isn't interested in guys, she wouldn't understand how great Natsuno-kun
is," Miu said in a surprisingly cheerful voice. She was probably trying to
fix the mood. I felt sorry.
"Come on, let's
go to karaoke and cheer up. Rin, you're coming too, right?"
"Sorry, I have
work today," I said, checking my phone's schedule.
"Wait, wasn't
your part-time job on Wednesdays and Fridays?"
"One person quit
last week, so they asked me to come in because we're short-staffed," I
said while putting my textbook in my backpack.
"Sorry, let's go
together next time."
As I was about to
leave the classroom, I heard Serina's sharp voice from behind me.
"Rin, you never
understand other people's feelings, huh?"
"Serina,
stop!"
There were probably
many other reasons. Many insensitive remarks and the inability to say kind words
had gradually hurt Serina, and finally exploded at this moment.
[I think she was just
on edge because she had just been rejected, so don't worry about it.]
When I checked my
phone after my part-time job, I received such a LINE message from Miu. I sent a
"thank you" sticker, then opened Serina's chat screen. I typed
"sorry" but turned off my phone without pressing the send button.
We continued to hang
out together as usual for a month until winter break, but Serina and I hardly
spoke. Miu tried to mediate between us, and I felt sorry for that.
Winter break arrived,
and I didn't see Serina anymore. During the break, the LINE messages that
usually came annoyingly often didn't arrive at all.
When the winter break
ended, I was left with no friends.
The photo had been
shared.
♢
After Serina
collapsed, my body wouldn't move at all. It was like I had lost my senses, and
I couldn't figure out how to move my legs, so I stayed where I was.
Normally, I should
have left the scene immediately after killing Serina. Hikaru was saying,
"Let's leave." But I couldn't take my eyes off the blood gushing from
Serina's abdomen.
Eventually, I was
dragged away by Hikaru to a hut-like bus stop nearby.
I leaned against the
wall and sat on the ground as if collapsing. Hikaru stood with his back to the
opposite wall.
"Go die."
A high-pitched voice
burst out of my mouth. I clenched my fist tightly and pressed it against the
concrete floor.
I glared up at Hikaru.
Hikaru looked down at
me with an emotionless face.
"Die."
My vision blurred.
Tears were streaming down my face.
I said in a pitiful
voice mixed with sobs.
"Die."
It reminded me of
“Hymn of Summer. There was no such pathetic scene in that beautiful movie.
I intended to kill
her. Definitely.
And yet now, my heart
was in turmoil, and I cried brokenly without knowing whether I was sad or
angry. Maybe I wasn't really prepared to kill someone.
The sound of the waves
was loud. I wondered when Serina's body would be discovered. Serina's corpse
was exposed to the sea breeze. Tears welled up again.
"Hey, is there
anyone else you want to kill?"
It was as if a cold
breeze ran through my brain.
"Ha?"
I looked at Hikaru in
surprise.
"Anyone is fine,
I'll kill them for you. I'll kill everyone who did bad things to Rin. Even after
summer ends. Until I'm caught, as many as you want."
Hikaru smiled
ecstatically and went on in a voice sweeter than cotton candy. I felt a
terrible vertigo from the honeyed words.
"What about Iida?
He kept sexually harassing you, didn't he? Let's kill him."
"......Just shut
up."
"Nakano would be
good too, didn't he say mean things to you?"
"Shut up
already!"
I yelled loudly and
couldn't stop coughing. I caught my breath with my shoulders and roughly wiped
away my tears.
"I want to kill
Hikaru."
I blurted that out
almost unconsciously. It's Hikaru's fault I'm in this state. I wish he would
just disappear. It's a short-sighted, insulting, and terrible way of thinking.
And yet...
"Okay,"
Hikaru said in a
sweet, gentle voice.
"That's a
lie!"
Don't say it's okay.
Don't say it's okay to die.
Tears welled up again.
The worts. Die. Just
die. I felt like my IQ was draining out along with my tears, and only
meaningless insults spilled out of my mouth.
I cried like an idiot,
spat out all sorts of resentful words, and eventually buried my face in my
knees. Hikaru said nothing. All I could hear was the sound of the waves.
♢
"Rin, are you the
type to come to sports festivals?" Hikaru asked while drinking from a
water bottle.
"It's not that I
wanted to come. I just thought it would be a waste of money since I had to pay
for the cheerleading squad uniforms," I said, taking off the headband from
my head. "I can't just say, 'I won't be there on that day, so I don't need
a uniform.'"
A number,
"2-5," was sewn onto my gym uniform, and "3-2" was sewn
onto Hikaru's. The high school I attend has a sports festival at the end of
May.
Basically, each
student must compete in at least one event, and once that is over, the rest is
about cheering. I, who had already distanced myself from the brightness of
youth, drifted to a bench in the courtyard, but surprisingly, Hikaru was there.
"Why are you
here, Hikaru?"
"I'm just kind of
tired," Hikaru said with a troubled look on his face.
Being good at sports,
he would probably be participating in several events.
"I'm sure
everyone is waiting for you, Mr. Popular. Hurry up and enjoy your youth."
"I'm not really
interested, it's just too noisy."
"You're so
picky."
There was a wisteria
trellis overhead, providing shade even at noon on a sunny day. There was no one
else in the courtyard except me and Hikaru.
Sitting with my knees
bent in an ungainly manner, I looked down and murmured quietly.
"I wish I could
have experienced that kind of youth at least once."
In my first year, I
was with Serina and the others, but I often stayed in the shade to accommodate
their aversion to sunburn, and they seemed more interested in taking selfies in
their cheerleading outfits than in the festival itself. I suppose it was one
aspect of youth, but it was slightly different from what I wanted.
Looking up at Hikaru,
I saw him resting his chin on his hand as if he were thinking about something.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Hikaru looked at me
and said, "We can do much more youthful things here and now than everyone
else on the field," he said with an oddly confident look.
"Just so you
know, what I'm interested in is what society generally calls youth."
"Yeah, I know.
I'll play along with Rin's youthful games starting now."
"Are you really
serious? What if it's not what I expected?"
"It'll definitely
exceed your expectations. So be quiet for a moment."
With that, Hikaru
tapped my forehead. I involuntarily closed my eyes.
I felt Hikaru move.
A few seconds after I
asked what he was doing.
Something touched my
lips.
My breath stopped.
It took me a second to
realize it was Hikaru's lips.
It took me three
seconds to feel the wetness and warmth.
I opened my eyes in
surprise. But when Hikaru's fingers reach for my eyes, I do as prompted and
close them again.
My body wouldn't move.
A numbing sensation ran through my entire body.
We stayed like that
for a while, and then Hikaru's lips lightly brushed against my upper lip before
parting with a hint of reluctance.
"Youthful,
right?"
Hikaru grinned and
poked my forehead. I looked at him with my mouth hanging open, still in a daze.
This was the first
time I had interacted with him like this, but I didn't mind. I just felt a warm
temperature welling up in my chest.
I didn't know what
this feeling was, so I named it something I had never experienced before in my
life.
This time, I touched
Hikaru's lips.
I didn't care if I was
seen. In fact, I wanted someone to see me. It could have been a classmate, a
classmate from last year, or even a teacher.
I, who was supposed to
be scoffed at as a miserable person, should become the happiest person outside
the <center of youth> that everyone imagines.
It was just an
ordinary day in early summer.
End of Chapter 4
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