Volume 1
Chapter 3 Part
6
Translator : PolterGlast
"When the number
of insects starts to increase, you know it's almost summer," Hikaru said,
swatting away a fluttering little fly with his hand.
It's June, the time of
year when humid air clings to our skin. Last week, I saw a forecast on the news
that the rainy season had begun. Even now, a thin rain shower still pattering
against the glass window. Hikaru and I were spending a quiet time in my room.
With a clap of my
hands, Hikaru looked up from the book in his hands in surprise.
"I just squashed
a bug," I said, getting up from the bed.
I removed the little
fly from my palm with cellophane tape, folded the tape, and threw it in the
trash can. It had been a month since Hikaru observed me treating the insects in
this unusual manner. It should be a familiar scene by now.
"I've been
wondering about this, but what's that characters written on your
calendar?"
"Oh, this
is..." I said, drawing a line on the date of today in the calendar.
"I'm recording the number of bugs I kill each day."
"What a terrible
hobby,"
Hikaru contorted his
face in disgust.
I said, "That's
kinda hurt," and returned to bed, opening the novel I was reading.
"I'll live while shouldering
the lives I've taken," I said.
"That's a noble
sentiment," Hikaru said with a faint smile. "Maybe if you're in
danger, a swarm of bugs will come to your rescue?"
"What kind of
cliche is that? It's just gross and disgusting."
I imagine a large
number of insects appearing on my dying body, and I burst out laughing. Drawn
to my laughter, Hikaru started laughing too.
The sound of our
laughter echoed in the depths of my head.
The rain was pouring
down.
---
When I woke up from my
nap, the bed where Hikaru had been sleeping was empty.
The quilt was left
lying in the same position he had gotten up from.
"Where did he
go?"
Just as I was starting
to think that maybe he had gone to kill someone else, I heard a beep from the
bathroom. I cautiously walked towards the sound, and there was Hikaru using a
hair iron on the back of his neck. The sound I had heard earlier must have been
the temperature adjustment sound of the hair iron.
"What are you
doing?" I asked, looking at Hikaru in the mirror.
"Can't you tell
by looking?" Hikaru said in a languid voice.
"I can't."
"......I'm
styling my hair, I'm going out."
"How's your
fever?"
"It's gone
down."
Saying that, Hikaru
skillfully arranged his center-parted bangs.
"That's good
then."
As I was about to
leave the bathroom, Hikaru cleared his throat and burst out laughing.
"Why are you
laughing?"
"It was the same
last summer."
Hikaru turned off the
hair iron and turned to look at me. For a moment, I froze, not understanding
what he meant, but I eventually realized what he meant. There's no way a high
fever could go down to normal so quickly.
"At that time you
said you weren't going to commit suicide," I said huffily.
"Only someone
like Rin would believe that easily," Hikaru laughed, wiping the corner of
his left eye with his thumb.
"What's that
supposed to mean?" I said in a low voice. "You said you were fine
yourself, and then after that, you asked why I didn't notice. How arrogant of
you."
Yorunagi Rin is a cold
person.
I've been told that
since elementary school until high school. I've also been called insensitive
and unable to read the room countless times. My classmates, teachers, and even
my parents. As if I were a monster, they would say in cold voices that I had no
human heart.
"Why should I be
blamed for not noticing? If you want me to notice your feelings, you should
just say it clearly."
There's no way I can
know someone's feelings unless they tell me. It's not like math or English.
How could I possibly
understand feelings that only the person himself or herself knew? And,
strangely, he thought he could do it himself.
He arbitrarily assumed
someone's feelings, made up reasons, and thought he understood, and then he
denounced me for not being able to do that. Isn't that ridiculous?
"Indeed,"
Hikaru agreed. "But it's also true that many people consider it a kindness
to understand someone before they speak."
"Everyone is so
selfish," I muttered.
I wouldn't want to
hear that from someone who is trying to kill people because of the summer heat.
"Alright,"
Hikaru closed the lid of the hair wax, turned around, and looked at me.
"I'm ready."
There, a little pale,
was the usual Hikaru.
I smiled faintly and
held out my hand to Hikaru.
"Let's go play,
murderer."
I've seen scenes like
this in movies.
The sunlight pouring
in from beyond the horizon was reflected on the surface of the water, creating
countless golden waves flowing like threads. I squinted in the dazzling light
and saw a flock of birds flying in the distance.
The setting sun, the
sparkling water, and the reddish beach. It resembled the beach where Kaito and
Masaki run to in the last scene of [Hymn of Summer].
"I really wish we
could go to an amusement park or something," Hikaru said.
"It can't be
helped," I said.
"You're being
unusually nice."
"Shut it, I
regret it for being nice."
We argued as usual,
and I kicked the shallow seawater. The water droplets felt good on my skin.
After walking along
the shore for a while, we sat on the beach facing the sea.
"I feel people
looking at me for some reason."
"I wonder
why."
"Shut up, you
popular guy."
I received the same
kind of gaze the day we met again in the library. Although, it was only Hikaru
who was being looked at.
"Maybe they think
we're a couple."
"That's awfully unfortunate."
I glared at the people
who were glancing at Hikaru. Some were young women, others older. I wondered
what they were doing at their age.
I was unusually
assertive. I think I've become that way since this escape started. Having given
up on so many things, I no longer cared how others thought of me. Now, only
Hikaru mattered.
I turned my gaze
toward the sea again. The silvery white waves stimulated my eyes, and I
squinted. The boundary between the sky and the sea glowed golden in the
sunlight, stretching gently far into the distance. I hugged my knees and
watched the sun set over the horizon, never tired of it.
"I wish I could
just live looking at beautiful scenery like this," I muttered to no one in
a small voice, almost drowned out by the sound of the rippling waves.
"It's
impossible," Hikaru said quietly.
"I know," I
replied, gazing at the crimson sky. "That's why we're doing this now, isn't
it?"
I had been trying not
to think too much about what would happen after this game ended, after August
31st.
Both Hikaru and I are
now eighteen years old, and it is a gray area as to whether the Juvenile Law
will apply to us. Since I haven't directly harmed anyone yet, I'm probably an
accomplice to murder. Will Hikaru, who killed three people, be sentenced to
death?
I stopped thinking
about it because it was pointless.
While pretending to
look at the sea, I stealthily turn my eyes toward Hikaru.
I looked at Hikaru's
profile, tracing from his arms through the sleeves of his white T-shirt, to his
shoulders, and to the white nape of his neck. A gentle breeze from the sea blew
his center-parted bangs back.
Only I knew that this
beautiful profile in the setting sun belonged to a murderer.
I thought he looked so
cool that I couldn't look away anymore. I tried to quickly avert my eyes,
thinking that was dangerous, but it was too late. Hikaru's beautiful eyes met
mine squarely.
"What is
it?"
Hikari said in a voice
as gentle as the setting sun.
I had never seen a
murderer with such a warm voice in any movie. That voice was exactly the same
as Hikaru before this summer began, gentle and sometimes mean, before he became
a murderer.
When I think about it,
we have only known each other for a year, and our interactions have been even
fewer. And yet, I couldn't help but wonder why Hikaru was my most understanding
friend and partner, and we were both headed for destruction.
Now that I'm closer to
him, could I be allowed to express this feeling that I've been holding back for
so long?
"Hey, Hikaru, why
did you try to commit suicide that day?"
I had been thinking
about it in the back of my mind.
That summer, a male
student sitting on the fourth-floor window.
When I found him, he
seemed to change his mind and said, "I think I'll stop for a while,"
and then, as if nothing had happened, we talked about movies and novels, and
now we're running away together.
Hikaru opened his
mouth quietly.
"Because I have
no future."
The sound of low
ripples flowed between me and Hikaru, as if separating us.
"Hikaru," I
was about to say something when Hikaru stood up quickly. "What's
wrong?"
"Let's run
towards the sunset."
Hikaru said that
quietly, looking at me at my feet.
"Huh?" I
leaked a dumb voice.
"Get up
quick."
"Run towards the
sunset, into the sea?"
"What else is
there?"
"No way, Hikaru,
don't you have a fever?"
"I told you it's
gone down. Look, it's a common thing in movies, couples running towards the
sunset."
"That makes no
sense, we're not even a couple."
"Come on, get
up."
He held out his hand,
so I took it and stood up. He pulled my hand, and I stood up next to Hikaru.
"Isn't this a bit
too cheesy?"
"It's fine, this
isn't a movie."
"But, this's just
too silly."
"Will you become
silly with me?"
"......Just for
today."
When I said that,
Hikaru raised the corners of his mouth in satisfaction.
"Let's run."
He pulled my arm hard.
My body tilted, so I
stepped forward helplessly.
We accelerated
gradually. Cutting through the wind, kicking up the sand, gouging the water, we
moved forward and forward. I must have been running faster than ever in my life,
and with the purest heart.
If I kept moving my
feet, I could surely reach the sun.
I parted the waves
with my unathletic legs, and the surface of the water gradually approached my
face.
"How far are we
going?"
I asked in an excited
voice.
When the water reached
up to my shoulders, Hikaru stopped and said,
"As far as Rin
wants."
In an instant, he
pulled my hand hard.
I fell into the
shimmering golden surface of the water, as if collapsing towards Hikaru.
I thought I heard a
splash, and then it was instantly silent.
Countless bubbles were
rising up in front of my eyes. Behind them was Hikaru.
Our eyes met through
the seawater. Then, Hikaru's hands reached out towards me and touched my cheek.
And with his thumb, he traced under my eyes as if checking something important.
Thinking back, it was
special.
My everyday life,
filled with fiction, and the time I spent at school thinking about the
afternoons I spent with him. Thanks to Hikaru, the worst me became special. Or
so I felt.
On that summer day,
when I met Hikaru, my life changed completely. Perhaps my life had only existed
just for the sake of meeting Natsuno Hikaru .
Hikaru, who killed
people. I could finally accept his existence by giving up everything.
―We're like characters in a novel.
I couldn't hold my
breath, but I couldn't take my eyes off Hikaru. Just when I thought I was
drowning...
I felt a strong pull
on my arm, and there was a loud splash again.
My vision was suddenly
dyed crimson. A shiver ran through my body as I took in oxygen so rapidly. I
gasped for breath and stepped on the muddy sand at the bottom of the water. My
unclear vision, which was reflecting the setting sun, gradually took shape.
I looked at Hikaru. He
was smiling.
---
"Ugh, water got
into my nose."
A twinge of pain hit
the space between my eyebrows. I brushed my wet bangs back and glared at
Hikaru.
"That's because
you breathe through your nose," Hikaru said meanly.
"It can't be
helped, it was so sudden."
Slowly cutting through
the sea, we make our way toward the beach.
"Everyone who
isn't kind to Rin should just die," Hikaru said, pulling my hand.
I wondered what
expression he had on his face, but the crimson color prevented me from seeing.
So I looked down at
the surface of the water and muttered, "You're saying something
outrageous."
"Because Rin is
always right."
"No, of course
not."
"I know. It's
just what I want to think."
Hikaru said in a
gentle voice like the sun. I was glad that Hikaru acknowledged me. But...
"I'm not worth
that much."
I'm not kind at all,
and I couldn't even say a word when Hikaru was suffering. It's unthinkable that
a wonderful person like Hikaru would find value in a lowly person like me.
Then, Hikaru gently
let go of my hand. He said nothing. Silently, he proceeded to cut through the
water with his legs and walked to the beach, leaving me behind.
I chased after him
desperately. I wanted to be next to Hikaru. But the flowing waves clinging to
my knees prevented me from moving my legs properly.
"Hikaru…………!"
I couldn't catch up
and called his name as if clinging to him.
Hikaru turned around.
And then,
"Because Rin is
special to me!"
He cried out those
words.
Hikari's whole body
was bathed in crimson light. His smile was more "striking" than
"dazzling." The scene before me became a memory, etched into my brain
like a beam of light.
It was strange to feel
happy just because I was recognized by Hikaru alone. I knew it was a big
mistake to feel that my existence was justified.
However, I mocked
myself for feeling saved.
---
There was a small
roadside station just across the road from the beach.
As we were watching
the sunset, raindrops began to fall on our bodies, and when the sensation
became too much to ignore, we ran towards the roadside station.
It was the first rain
in a long time. Ripples appeared on the puddles by the foot-washing area, and
petrichor filled the air.
"It's starting to
rain," Hikaru said, looking up at the sky.
I wanted to resent the
fact that the weather forecast had said it would be cloudy, but it's foolish to
expect too much from human predictions. That's common sense.
"I'll go buy an
umbrella."
Even though we were
already soaking wet, walking in the rain wasn't pleasant.
As I was about to head
to the store, my arm was grabbed.
"No need, we're
already wet," Hikaru said casually, trying to hide the seriousness in his
eyes.
―I knew it.
I had thought so
several times since our getaway began, but now I was sure.
Hikaru knew.
"Hikaru, you knew
about <that>, huh?"
Those who bullied me
were, above all, intelligent. That's why I thought they only shared <those
photos> among a small group of friends so that the teachers and other
students wouldn't find out.
But after all, they
are just high school students. A seventeen-year-old's ability to manage
information is limited. I had overestimated their intelligence.
Or perhaps I wanted to
be reassured by thinking that way. A false sense of security. Because what I
thought was true for me, unless I was told the truth.
There was no change in
Hikaru's expression.
"What are you
talking about?"
"Don't play
dumb."
It happened in the
winter of my first year of high school before I met Hikaru. A painful memory
that I wanted to forget.
"What you're
talking about? I don't know anything. If the person themselves says so, isn't
that the truth?"
Hikaru said, looking
up at the leaden sky filled with thick clouds. I thought he sounded like a
jerk.
Knowing my situation,
he probably thinks that an umbrella is a trigger word for me. Does he think
I'll get hurt? Sure, I've been harassed about it, but I'm not as sensitive as
Hikaru thinks I am.
"If you're
worried about me, don't be. I don't have any trauma about umbrellas."
Besides, I'm not the
kind of girl who would get my heart racing just by sharing an umbrella. Hikaru,
of all people, should know my nature better than anyone else.
Hikaru smiled faintly
and took my hand.
"Isn't it
necessary to get caught in the rain during youth?"
"......What's
with that?"
Pulled gently by the
hand, I took a step forward, dumbfounded.
A few raindrops
splashed onto the back of my right hand as it emerged from under the roof, then
onto my arm, shoulder, and cheek. When the raindrops touched my left arm, I was
finally ready to get drenched.
We walked side by side
along the seaside road, heading for the bus stop.
"About tomorrow,
have you decided?"
The rain was getting
heavier than before. Raindrops hit my body with great force, and occasionally,
even sharper raindrops hit my shoulder like bullets.
There's something I've
been avoiding for a long time.
It was time for me to
make up my mind. ―I decided to say her name.
---
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